let me sleep

oh gees, school.

its like week what now??

and i feel like im living sec 3 all over again.

just that it's more stressful and im learning stuff differently, and im not that lazy anymore.

i feel like a geek really.

i have done allmy math homework.

and i have yet to study for math.

i have to do econs.

god. i have to stop whining and writing all these crap online.

so i have been cast for blood wedding and founders day.

it's all minor roles really.

like real minor.

i know i really suck for now.

i really need to improve and i will.

i really want to anyways.

i'll be really really busy after chinese new year.

all that auditions and rehearsels.

and im really happy that im actually doing something i like.

im not dreading anything yet.

and i hope i wont.

but i'll be needing a break real soon.

its really tiring.

im working still.

i really want to get over with work and really concentrate on school.

im sorry if my posts are getting really boring,

but i really need to rant.

bel isnt a phone call away anymore,

and i dont have anyone to call and rant to.

if i dont do it here,

i think i would explode.

i really will.

im getting really annoying now.

i dont really like it sometimes.

i need some time to think now.

but theres no time to think abt what i want now.

screw.

hello there

im starting to go home really late these days.

today was exceptional.

i came home early only bcos it was raining.

so tmr, there's drama.

speaking of which,

i screwed my auditions yesterday.

at least i think i did.

so it was to chinatown today.

it was fun, searching for stuff.

and annoying tessa with what to wear.

i bought sinead an unbrella.

she thought i was kidding,

haha.

i wasnt hon.

i gave it to her and she was oh yay!

she said it was pretty. (:

im glad she likes it.

sheesh. i actually do miss you.

in fact, i miss you a lot.

!taf

my mom actually said i grew fatter.
my bro said i grew taller.
hah.

that's fine really.
i like being my chubby self.
i prefer being like this than obsessing abt my weight.
but then again,
im not going to grow fat.
i dont want to be fat.
gees. i hope my lack of exercise wouldnt make me gain weight.
lol.

i have noticed a few things abt myself recently.
1. i have a kid voice which i absolutely hate.
its damn annoying.
2. the music i listen to depends on my mood.
and the things i do really do depend on my mood.
therefore, im a mood person.
not that i havent figured that out a long time ago.
im just saying.
3. i get influenced very easily.
which is a good thing and a bad thing.
go figure.
4.im being very short tempered these days.
im not usually like that but its either the mood swings or just me becoming spoilt.
i have gotta stop it.
5. i am extremely lazy and messy.
6. i tend to keep myself very occupied and i hate it.
7. i have to go shopping. im running outta clothes.
8. i am not very sociable. only bcos i just like my old friends or i am afriad of going up to people and say hi. its most probably rejection im afriad of.
9. im a shy person. only to people i dont know. but to people i know. gees. im craaaazy.
10. i am very open. as in sharing abt myself or whatever. just open.

gees. theres a lot more.
but i have to do my work now.
i have a ton.
i spent most of my time today working.
ugh,

onetwothreefourfive

i felt like doing this again.

i found it while reading my old posts.

1. Chelsea

2. Leon

3. Vanessa

4. Justin

5. Sarah

6. Charmaine

7. Natasha

8. Sock yong

9. Fahmi

10. Belinda

11. Hafiz

12. Philson

1. Have you ever kissed number 7?

Nope!

2. What's the best memory you have of 12?

planning punks.

3. When's the next time you're gonna see 4?

TMR!

4. Is number 8 pretty?

lol. sock yong? pretty? HAHA. i love her.

5. What was your first impression of number 10?

OMG! shes's such a bitch! lol.

6. How did you meet 3?

girls brigade camp.

7. Is 11 your best friend?

nope!

8. Have you seen 5 in the last month?

YES!

9. Do you think 2 has a crush on you?

HAHA! PRIMARY ONE BOYF!

10. When was the last time you saw 12?

like on thursday,

11. Have you ever been to 1's house?

never.

12. When's the next time you'll see 10?

god knows

13. Are you really close to 7?

we were. until she moved away. but we're still gossip bitches

14. Have you ever been to the movies with 4?

yes.

15. Have you ever gotten in trouble with 2?

NO! cos leon's such a good boy.

16. Would you ever go out with number 5?

yes. why not?

17. What do you and number 1 talk about the most?

shopping.

18. Do you even know 9?

duh.

19. Would you give number 3 a hug?

i hug her whenever i see her.

20. Are you in love with number 12?

NO!

21. Do you know a secret about number 8?

yes.

22. Describe the relationship between number 9 and number 5.

they are complete strangers

23. What is the best thing about your friendship with number 6?

she's my bitch,

24. Have you ever danced with number 7?

nope!

25. How long have you known number 12?

since sec 1. i know he existed then.

26. Have you ever been in a fight with number 8?

nope!

27. Would 2 and 4 make a good couple?

yes. totally.

28. Has number 1 ever met your mother?

nope!

29. How did you meet number 6?

in sec school (:

31. What would happen if you put 10 and 11 in a room together?

they would probably talk abt their artsy stuff. idk.

32. Do you live close to 7?

kinda.

33. What is number 2's favorite food?

hm. home cooked?

34. Out of your top 12, which one would you say is the funniest?

5!!!

35. Who is the most flirtatious?

sockyong. gees. she flirts with me all the time.

36. If you could change one thing about number 12, what would it be?

his color. NOT!

37. Say something about number 11.

im his boss.

38. Which one lives the farthest away?

sockie sock sock.

39. Which one do you hang out with the most?

use to be bel, now it's sarah.

40. What kind of car does number 12 have?

black car.

good week

oh yay! my week's almost over!

it has been a good week because..

1. i just found out that steph's coming to my school.

2. getting my o level results.

3. i could stay in my school.

4. i met new people.

5. i met my secondary school friends for the last time.

band was fine, if so u mayb asking.

i have yet to write the script for drama.

and i have asked for physics extension today.

i was really sorry.

gees, now my grades are at stake.

im hungry again. haha.

well, its ten.

i'll eat tmr.

i feel like kissing someone

i feel like kissing someone.

i really do.

im happy though my grades were mediocre.

so i have 17 alright?

hahaha.

i had like a B4 in combine humans and i was like really shocked for that one cause i know i wrote a lot of shit for it.

english and physics sucked.

B3 for both.

i could have gotten higher for it, but its just one grade lower so who fUcking cares right?

so overall, its a 16 cos of my cca and stuff.

im just really happy i can remain in my school and stuff,

and be with sinead and sarah and ken and esther and blahblahblah.

too many.

people are so smart.

they got like 15? 13? 7? LOL.

but yeah. smart is the word.

im glad i did alright.

not too good, and not too bad.

i cried though.

i mean, i dried firstly, when i got my results, cos i was so happy.

and then i cried again when i hugged eunice.

sheesh. that was an odd feeling.

i hugged her and started crying.

i think i missed her too much.

and then i hugged justin and fahmi.

idiot. justin couldnt hug for shit.

but then we group hugged and they fucking squashed me in the middle.

and the best part; justin stinks.

swear to god he does.

i know fahmi doesnt so it must be justin right?

ewewewewewewewewewewewew.

how can anyone stand him?

hahahaha.

alright. i have to do physics while im in a really happy mood.

i have to do math too.

but its alright i guess.

im going to work harder.

so far, i really like school.

i need to do even better.

holy shit!

FUCK! results are TOMORROW!

god help me please.

i am so damn scared.

so damn ass scared.

i really am.

im already freaking out so bad now, i want to cry.

i dont know what would happen tmr.

cry. sheesh.

pleasepleaseplease

ok. fine. im still scared abt thursday alright?

gees.

i was high at english today.

i think it was the green tea yesterday.

so anyways, esther didnt want to run around with me today.

tennis was alright today.

it was moreof laughing session than hitting balls.

i was laughing at sarah the whole time.

and then we left a lil earlier,

cos i was hungry, and she was tired.

i have no idea why i was so tired at school today.

anyways, i still have to go finish music, again.

just roll over and die

i wish i could roll over and die,

for starters, sock msged me today.

its the msg that i never ever wanted to see.

i know i'd see it, but i didnt want to.

ah, you know what i mean.

fine. i'll just tell you anyway.

its the results on thursday.

the picture's like my reaction or something.

then she ruined my day for awhile.

so i told geogina and everyone else the results was on thursday.

i love their reactions.

esther's especially.

thank god for sarah.

and ice cream.

im alright now i think.

all i know is i went for icecream to feel better and indeed i did.

then we went to hang and green tea and talk.

and then we went home,

and then homework till now.

gees. but its better than thinking abt the results.

please dream of 10 points tonight rachael!

oh, one really wierd fact abt me is that some of my dreams are like premenition or something.

they really come through.

its scary.

i need to start praying.

seriously start.

i cant screw up.

!!!

scream till you're satisfied

i actually did my homework and my project today.

i actually spoked to my cousin and her boyf.

he actually danced. im so happy that she's with him now.

she's actually really happy.

i am almost done with my music project.

and i am stressed up with work.

i need to be paid soon or i'll die not being able to shop.

i ate a donut 2 days ago, at school.

so much for wanting to loose weight.

i have quit dance. yay.

and i need to get my sticks soon.

yay again.

i am really tired.

i am going to have ice cream later,

and then do math.

i havent watched tv all day.

and i do not want to get my results.

not this week, or the next, or the next, or, ever.

the twos

Two Names You Go By:

1. Rachael

2. Rach

Two Songs You Love Listening To At TheMoment:

1. hands down- dashboard confessionals

2. girl- stereophonics

Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now:

1. a faded blue te that says too cool for school

2. monkey printed pajama pants

Two Things You Want in a Relationship:

1. fun

2. love

Two of Your Favorite Things to do:

1. writing

2. shopping

Two Things You Want Very Badly At Themoment:

1. ipod

2. money+shopping

Two pets you had/have:

1. fish

2. tortoise

Two things you did last night:

1. blog

2. chat

Two things you ate today:

1. bread

2. sausages

Two people you Last Talked To:

1. mother

2. brother

Two Things You'll be doing tomorrow:

1. homework

2. reading

Two places you want to go:

1. USA

2. europe

Two favorite beverages:

1. green tea

2. water

Two favorite channels:

1. starworld

2. hallmark

Two favorite foods:

1. chocolate

2. seafood

Two things you want to do before you die:

1. get married to someone i actually love

2. write a book

drummer girl

this was what i did today.
thank god band didnt suck.
in fact, it's the best cca meeting i attended this week.
dance was awfully demoralising.
drama was nothing.
i cant wait for auditions.
i really want to be in blood wedding though.
only bcos it sounds interesting.

i made a new friend today.
she's taiwanese.
i have made a lot of taiwanese/chinese friends recently.
i didnt know she didnt know what dim sum was.
and i didnt know that she liked the all american rejects.
i met her in band by the way.
she's nice.
she's learning the guitar.

i called wensze and vanessa today.
happy birthday, if you're reading this.
Apparently, they're sick.
i mean both of em.
on their birthday.
and they are OLD now.

i dont want to turn 17.
i want to turn 12.
yes, 16 to 12.
im growing up too fast.
gees.

skylines and bluemoons

i have one word to describe how i feel now. emo.
screw, i think it's the mood swings again. gees.
im listening to dashboard. whaddayathink? lol.
oddly, i dont feel like this often, which is a real good thing.
anyways, my legs are still hurting though dance was like 2days ago.
i hate dance now. notice is use hate.
and why so? gees, i dont know. maybe because im so ever horrible at it.

im such a lousy dancer i swear to god.
never see me dance. i dont want to, ever again.
except for ballroom dancing of course.
i just hope drama wont suck for me.
im going to take tennis now.
and im taking beginners cos i cant make it on the intermediete day.
im going to drop outta dance. hah. yay.
oh. band's tmr. yay. hope it wont suck either.
and dont tell me abt results please.
im scared. like seriously scared.
so dont scare me anymore.
i've been reminding myself more than enough.
it's annoying that i do, but my brain just wont shut up.
oh, did i tell u i think im grounded. i dont know if i am but i sound like i am or whatever.
sucks.
damn the spaces in this post are huge.
if it is, im sorry, it's the computer's fault.
oh. i just realise something.
im like attracted to guys who are attached or something.
it's like odd, but sometimes, i do crush on em. hahaha.
i think it's odd and rather funny for me.

i have to do music again.
now, it's a presentation.
school's pretty much pressurising now.
but somehow, i like it this way.
im going to get sick of it soon but oh well.
im searching christian music now.
not my thing alright?
it's for class. GOSH!

for one

i am still sick and i have yet to compose stuff for music.
i'm slacking like hell now,
and i need to finish physics and math.
i have no idea how to do the last part of chinese,
either that, or im lazy.

ugh.

my lips are really dry now,
and it sucks.
i have drank like a gazillion cups of water today,
and then i realise i have another ulcer.

i dont want to get my results back.
people are just asking me when we're getting it back.
22th? 24th?
i hope never.

i need to go shopping.
i need an ipod.
i need and ipod real soon.

i need to start uploading work in the internet,
or i wont get paid.
but i have school.

gees.

i watched csi, law and order, greys' anatomy, malcolm in the middle, the simpsons, danny phantom, my wife and kids today.
i suppose to br sleeping.
but i dont like sleeping now.
cos my lips would be more dry.
and i hate it when my lips are dry.
lip balm goes off after awhile.

GREY'S ANATOMY is such an awesome show.
i could cry watching it..
if it werent for the advertisements,
i would cry.
stupid advertisements spoil the mood of the show.

i need to compose stuff now.
piano, piano, piano.

headache

the GINORMOUS bottle of liquer.
my granddad brought this bottle of alcohol to canada years ago.
but no one drank it till today.

im having a really horrible headache today,
despite that, i went to play tennis. (:
now im worst.
and i have to go out for dinner.

I AM ACTUALLY..

1. sick.
my head's spinning.
yet i'm blogging. hah.
dang,this flu is horrid.
but i'm better now.
2. really tired.
school's real tiring,
class ends at abt 4 everyday.
3. wishing i werent so sick.
i could have actually gone to some gig today.
sheeeeesh.

8-1-08

i have an obsession now.

it's embarressing. so i shant say.

anyways, im thinking abt swearing off gassy drinks.

means no coke, pepsi and whatever.

but i cant swear off sweet drinks.

i cant live without green tea.

im thinkingof taking higher physics.

but i think i shant.

i have tomake more friends.

cos it sucks that i dont.

so anyways, i need to go read now.

math is so expensive. gees.

i wish we could read oscar wilde for english.

the picture of dorian grey is really and interesting text,

but it's so lengthy.

i could read it over and over again though.

i have no time to read anything else.

behind these walls

You're unlike the ones i know;

so demanding,

but yet too fulfilling.

Besides the pains and the scars i have,

they bring memories of you.

the blood drops,

the high velocity spatters,

and the fears i once knew.

The uncanny-like features of your dark grey face-

the only color of your face i remembered.

Only right now,

it's so silent,

so delicate,

so calm, serene.

You look better peaceful and quiet.

I've cleaned upthe house for you.

stay in the wallsand never come out.

you couldn't anyway.

Now, only the nights i fear.

You know i don't fear you no more.

The trigger of happiness sends a sense of peace i have longed.

I'm not regretting, no doubt.

You are behind these walls.

I'm moving away.

Stay in there my dear.

You'd never find me anyway.

You'd never hurt me anymore.

camp

yes, camp.
spotme.
today, we started lessons.
i had math, econs and music.
i feel like dropping music now,
and take art or bio.

gees,i want to stay in the school for another 2 years.
screw the olevels.
i just hope i'll do alright.
i heard we're getting our results on the 22nd.
idiot, why cant it be later?

new

I'VE GOTMY OWN LAPTOP TODAY AND THE KEYBOARDTHING KINDA SUCKS.
so forgive me if i dont use spacing.
imdone with camp.
so far, i have sing, act and danced in front of the crowd.
and yes, i sang on stage withken and some others.
but the thing is i sang into the microphone. they didnt.
gees, that was scary.
it's sooo not usuallywhat i do.
so anyways,im gonna officially start to study tmr.
somehow,it'sexciting cos it's something new.
but at the same time, pressurising.
people in my school are soooo smart.
someare 6pointers for O levelorsomething.
and im like what... 26??
so i know.wtf right?
but still, i prefer this school to my previous one.
obviously.

first

school was awesome.
i am so tired.
i shall go read now.

so ever simply

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME :

`lizards

`death

`tommorow

FIVE THINGS I LIKE THE MOST :

`james lafferty

`sQUAD

`my notebooks with all my writings

`chocolate

`music

SEVEN IMPORTANT THINGS AT HOME :

`computer

`tv

`my bed

`DVDs i havent watched

`family/friends. (i hate being alone)

`books

`empty notebooks

SIX RANDOM FACTS ABOUT ME :

`i don't like spaghetti/pasta.

`i have a lot of moles.

`james lafferty is my obsession. (seriously, i go crazy when i see his pictures)

`i love listening to canadian bands.

`i talk a lot of nonsense and no one really cares, but i still continue.

`i break things very easily.

SEVEN THINGS I PLAN TO DO BEFORE I DIE :

`get married.

`meet james lafferty.

`wirte a book and get it published.

`perform on stage a whole lot.

`have my own shop that sells clothes i design.

`go to africa and work for some charity.

FIVE THINGS I CAN'T DO :

`whistle

`geography.

`fix up the computer

`draw a real person

`put a sword down my throat

SIX THINGS THAT ATTRACT ME TO THEOPPOSITE SEX :

`EYES!

`hair

`style

`speech

`sense of humour

`talents

TWO CELEBRITY/GROUP/BAND CRUSHES :

`JAMES LAFFERTY

`tyson from the all american rejects

happy 2008

the only reason why i look tanner here is because chelsea and christabel are very white people.

so anyways, i hope y'll had a great 2007.

2008 will be better i guess.

like i said, it's a scary year.

time flies extremely fast when you're 16.

it was much slower when i was 5.

geeeees.

what shall i get from the US..? hmmm.

2008

it's 2008. i'm hope you're happy bitches.

this is going to be a scary year.

i wish time would have stopped at 00:00

oh well, it didn't.