i love my shoe

'sup.

im really tired.

hahahahahahahahahahaha.

i neeeeeeeeed to shop.

and im going to on saturday.

yay.

no rehearsals till after the hols.

yay again.

im so fucking tired.

i think im not going to work tonight.

good night, though it's only 8.

ps. im kinda obsessed with one tree hill right now, so i'll be quoting and shit. don't shut me up. just give me a week or so and i'll shut up.

im squashed up and left to dry

i envy sara's mom.
read the previous post.
you'll understand.

so anyways,
i was really clumsy in school today.
i had chilli fries spilt on me,
and water spilt on me.
geees.

i realise how much i suck at english today.
thanks so much, english lesson.
oh. i suck so bad at drama too.
and theres an excuse today.
it's bcos im FREAKING tired.
my eyes are going to shut real real soon..

i'm done

yes! im done with season 3 already.
don't worry rachael, you have season 4 and 5
it's not going to be over YET.
nathan and haley getting married the season time was the sweetest thing ever.
and now karen's pregnant,
and it ended with nathan and haley and cooper and rachel in a car accident.
screw rachel.
anyways, im sorry im spoiling it for those who havent watched the show.
too bad, you just read my spoiler. (:

i was talking to bel the other day,
and we talked abt getting married at 18.
HAHA.
did i mention it in the other post?
but well, i think i did, did i?
so anyway,
yeah, we talked abt getting married at 18.
she says she has this strange feeling that she's going to.
im going to be the bride's maid of honour, for sure.
haha. getting married at 18 is almost like pulling a naley.
it's so sweet and all.
i feel like a sucker for romance sometimes.
im such a girl and im a libra.
now u understand why.
so anyways, i thought abt that like getting married and 18,
and how impossible it is these days.
i mean can you ever find some guy your age who is so sensitive and HOT and who could sacrifice everything to marry you?
if you could, you are so awfully lucky.
it's so difficult even finding someone to like and most of all, have the same feelings reciprocated back.
i read once on the board at english abt some law, that says the feelings you have for someone is inversely proportionate to the feelings they have for you.
sadly, it's KINDA true.
and to find yourself in naley's shoes are so difficult.
sure they have their ups and downs but could anyone feel like that for each other the way naley does?
so yeah, i know its a show and everything but you know i have to talk abt it.
if what they do happens in real life, to anyone even,
i'll envy you like crazzzy.
and this ever happening to me has a 0.00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001% chance.
i promise your that.

people like me are hopeless romantics sometimes,
but sometimes, i hate it when i see couples together,
it irks me, especially when you're not together with anyone or something like that.
but hey, i dont think i need anyone at my age.
haha. it's good to be free now, and i mean it.
so anyways, i was hanging with sara after school today,
and then we were talking abt ex boyfs.
like that subject can every stop coming up in conversations,
anyways, i feel like somehow, i havent let everything go yet,
and it sucks cos its been more than a year now,
and i dont know if im alright with dating and stuff.
its like a lot of people i know have boyfs and i wonder how people can ever get into another one thought they were hurt before.
it sucks being hurt, and i dont want to go thru that again,
but somehow, i like it when i do, cos i get to write abt it,
but that's not the point,
the point is, i dont know how it feels like going thru something and being hurt again and again cos i know that feeling sucks especially when you give a lot and then it disappears.
so like i said before, there's no point having something serious until you know you wont be hurt again.
if i do though, i'll probably be an alcoholic or something. lol.

i guess my way of getting over something is writing,
so i dont think i'll ever be depressed.
writing is my therapy, just like shopping is for some girls.
i wish i could read more so i'll be better at expressing myself.
there's such a limited number of words i use and i hate it cos i cant find anything else in my brain that helps me write better.
so well, speaking of which, ken and i were talking abt careers on saturday and i said i wanted to be an accountant.
some career i chose at the start of this year,
only bcos u can make a lot of money and it's a really structured line.
but then he told me that i shouldnt force myself to do something i dont like bcos you would hate it anyways.
he's right really, i've always been writing and he said i should develop it cos what i have is a talent, just like his art is his.
so im thinking abt taking up journalism now.
so i'll be some magazine writer.
not just any magazine,
i want to write for time one day,
and i want to write a book and get it published.
i want my poems to be published.
i want to learn more so my songs will not be poems but have a tune to it
and have someone else sing it cos i cant sing for nuts. HAHA.
oddly enough,
i have a lot of dreams i have just realised.
but to accomplish them would take a really long time.
god knows if i have enough time and motivation to.
i have to do what i like or i wouldnt do anything.

for now, it's just studying.
after finishing work,
i would have more time to think abt what i really want.
till then,
im so tied down.
gees.

i was talking to some guy at music today,
i said i was shy and stuff.
and he was like you dont struck me as shy.
but somehow i really think i am.
i dont like making eye contact with people unless i know them well enough.
i dont know why i do that, but i do.
on stage, i think im extremely shy or something.
but i never felt like that in my previous school.
mayb it's bcos im in front if a new crowd and i dont know A LOT of people.
and i may feel inferior sometimes,
i dont know why,
i think its bcos of the sudden extreme change in environment.
lol. but the wierd thing is,
im not afraid to be myself this time,
cos i know im new and stuff,
and im making a lot of new friends and i can start afresh.
but whatever you know.
i dont really care if people hate me or whatever.
cos im happy with myself.

omg! it's one tree hill again

season 3 of one tree hill is so awesome.

i love one tree hill.

oh, the whole season is so sad cos everyone dies or something.

i cried watching almost every episode.

like when peyton's mom dies,

or when keith dies,

and whenever lucas cries,

you'll tear so bad.

this is one reason i love one tree hill.

you get to cry.

im such a girl.

bawling your eyes out is so relieving sometimes.

i need that.

so today's sunday.

i love sundays because i get to be a pig and wake up late,

and eat, and do some homework and work,

and best of all, slack and watch one tree hill,

and eat some more.

i really think i need this a lot,

cos like im all stressed out and shit,

so i need a lot of one tree hill, sleeping and food.

i love staying at home now.

i think im out too much.

its so wierd but yeah,

just for now.

damn it, screw over, let's all watch you die

went for drama real early today.

ran thru my part and stuff.

i have yet to learn my lines.

we were at the bus stop,

and then we saw crows swooping over something.

then ken went to check it out.

he was like oh man.

i was like what?

it's a dead dog.

and the crows were pickin its flesh and eating it.

i went closer and then i was like fuck! it's a dead dog!

cos i saw the whole flat, squashed up body.

it was so cool in a way, but then so gory in another.

so yeah, im going to church.

oddly so.

oh fly, oh so high.

we jammed for a few kabillion hours today, in school.
like during every break.
and then we had to play at some place today.
imagine how tired i am.
it's one.
i'm typing a whole load of shit now.

i dont function after 10.
i'll usually talk a whole load of nonsense.
and i'll be all wierd and shit.
it happens mostly everyday.
so if i go all wierd and stuff,
you know why...

what's the best part of my day?
i fucking met bel!
i love love love love love love her so much.
i miss her so much,
i can't explain the missing of her in my brain.
or whatever.
i really can't think.

oh. i left my phone in the car..
DANG.
oh well.
my parents picked me up at like 12.15 in town
and they were like really pissed.
then i said i was sorry and i said they were really good parents.
my dad then asked if i was drinking.
so much for being nice and expressive.
oh well, sometimes, suddenly being nice is fun, cos people would get shocked and stuff.
one thing i havent said to them is i love you.
but that would be saved for a special occasion like my wedding or something.
i wont say i love u to my parents.
it's too odd.

screw this,
my hair isn't drying.
and it's almost 1.30.
i want to freaking sleep.

i smell different now.
like cos i changed my soap.
it feels odd.

oh, i realise something,
im like always sleepy or something nowadays.
my emotions are so extreme,
it's all over the place.
i maybe like all HAHAHAHAH one time,
and the next moment,
i'll just be listening to my ipod all stoned.
really, i dont know why im like that now,
but im a mood person,
so i do whatever i feel.
so odd. haha.

i want to sleep and i want my phone back.
but im too lazy to get the car keys and go down.
it's too late dark and scary anyways.

oh did i mention im somewhat grounded cos i came back late tonight?
well it's already morning but what the hell right.
i dont know.
dont ask me already.
geees.

i love not

i have been talking to ken more, recently.

i really like the conversations we have.

it's deep and all.

it is so contrasting,

cos everything in school is so much more of..

well, crap conversations, it's not that it's bad and all but talking nonsense all day is somehow, i dont know, not intellectual?

i'm so shitty sometimes,

like a talk a hell load of shit that i need someone to remind me why im in this school and how i need to work, and keep me on track and all.

comparing school now and school for the last 4 years,

i think im really having english lessons now.

like serious english lessons that i never had for the last 2 years.

i actually wrote a poem in class today.

and im happy i did even though i didnt really have inspiration.

i like english lessons though i dread going for them.

im actually doing my work now,

which is a really good thing.

i never really did any work for the past 6 years of my life.

i never really cared for school, but i really do now.

i think its because of the money my parents pay,

or i dont think i''ll be studying.

anyways, my week has two days left.

cos there's tmr,

which ends at 11 cos i have to play at some school.

and saturday which ends at godknowwhattime.

a week for me is the days where u have school.

means 6 days.

sunday's going to be awesome cos i get to sleep in.

and i really need that.

i've been doing work till really late these days.

i need to start reading again.

i feel like im deprived of that really.

and i dont plan my time well enough so i dont read.

a shitty excuse huh?

oh. at pe today,

i was looking at my friend,

and i thought of bel.

FUCK!

BELINDA KHOO!!

I FUCKING MISS YOU LIKE HELL.

if you are reading this that is.

i felt like crying.

i miss you so damn much.

i have a hell load of things i need to tell you.

oh man.

this sucks.

i used to talk to u like every freaking day no matter what.

and i would know where u are and what u are doing at that point of time or something.

but now i dont.

and it's really wierd.

i have survived less than a month without talking to you.

and im typing out this out sounding like some stalker.

but i do fucking miss you.

it's sad really.

we NEED to catch up on EVERYTHING.

anyways,

i need to study for my physics now.

i suck at physics so.. yeah.

time for food.

i love love love.

i love love love love love love love one tree hill.

im sorry,

im overly obsessed right now.

james lafferty is the hottest person ever.

i say that like every fricking time i watch one tree hill.

it's so fucking ass addictive.

i need to do math.

fuck. one tree hill is an addiction you can't get rid of.

kiss me, and i'm falling.

it was sudden inspiration.

dont ask.

i need to finish work.

fucking hell.

i hate this thing now,

where i dont get to go shopping or go out.

which sucks,

cos i have 242361789 movies to watch with sara.

and i promise her shopping.

im going to finish work as fast as possible for u sara.

so be honored.

so anyways,

im happy with math, again.

i really do get everything he teaches,

and it's a really good thing.

im writing a whole load more these days.

which is a good, i think.

it's really sudden bursts of inspiration.

but whatever,

i love it that im this way.

i've been thinking a lot in my head,

and what i think of is deep and stuff like that,

but im talking a whole load of bullshit.

my brain and my mouth are two seperate organs that never ever works together.

oh well.

strangers

I feel you again.
your smell crawls under my skin.
It sends those thrills down my spine,
and exasperates everything else.
We've been so far apart.
We hardly speak.
Have you forgotten me?

I feel the carpet move underneath my feet.
I'm swept away.
The things around me evaporate,
and i find myself in a blank white space.
In infinity, i assume.
You don't appear.

I breathe finally,
and i turned away.
I know you're there.

Right back where we started.
Ignorant, insincere.
You taught me everything.
But i now stand here.
You are nothing to me.


-RACHAELT

im so fucking tired, but i can't sleep.

i really really do want to sleep but my day isnt up yet.

i have a million and one things to do,

like study for TESTS,

do my homework,

work,

memorise my lines,

practise the piano,

& more homework.

i swear i havent touched the tv AT ALL this week.

you know im such a tv addict,

but not touching the tv is a real big thing.

im about to drop down and die.

i feel like im going to fall sick too.

gees, im whining.

but i need to get it all out.

i dont call anyone and rant these days.

its too time consuming.

i have church in 2 hrs.

i dont feel like going at all.

i just want to sleep.

oh, i woke up like real early this morning.

like 7.30 early.

just to go to school for drama.

i dont mind that.

though im sounding all whiny and shit,

i REALLY REALLY like what im doing.

all i need to do is be less shy and stuff,

cos i think i am.

and i need to stop getting stage fright and shit.

i hate it when i have those.

this is like the first time in my life im working hard and actually liking working hard,

even though classes arent that all great.

but,

its been a long time since a sat down and read a good book,

gone shopping,

lazing around watching tv,

exercise ( though i said i would),

& watch dvds.

i cant wait till work is over,

and all im asking for is one damn day where i can do all these.

march,march,march..

girls make boys cry

my rose my valentine gave me.

and tommy.

yes. my ipod's name is tommy.

it was either that or johnny.

tommy sounds nicer.

anyways, my boyfriend gave me a rose today.

his name is sara.

i have a ton of chocolate,

i am only going to eat the rest when im upset.

or otherwise, i'll grow fat, eating all in one day.

im blogging really stupid things nowadays.

it's sara's influence really.

she's influencing my stupidity, sadly.

oh well, i just have to blame myself for choosing such a valentine.

but i still love my valentine.

anyways. i really am tired...

bye.

prance around the room, i'm so damn happy.

valentines day is a stupid, overrated day.
im going to use it and tell people i love 'em.
just bcos i feel like it.

i love my dad cos he bought me an ipod touch.
its such a great way to start valentines day.

i got stuff for people today,
with sara and nathara after school.

i had a horrible headache in school today.
it really did suck.
i had 2 panadols.
and i slept at chinese,
when we were watching spongbob the movie.

i love my ipod.
im still thinking of a name for it.
oh well.

i need to do more homework.
fun!


not.

i want a valentine tmr!

scream out my name, you know you want to.

warren did it.

today went quite alright.
i actually understand physics!
there was no chinese today.
and in 2days time, it's valentine's day.
oh well,
im really busy with school now,
which sucks.
it's taking away all my time.

thanks so much, bitch.

thanks so much.

i feel like shit now.

i hope you're happy.

my day went horribly.

the only thing abt it that's gone well is math.

that's all.

i did a lot of shit i wish i didnt do.

and it's all bcos i havent slept enough.

i need to sleep real bad.

sheesh.

fuck you.

leave me alone now.

dogs and poodles

1. you & your ex
`live in seperate worlds right now.

2 . I am listening to
`my brother playing black hawk down

3 . Maybe I should
`actually get some school work done

4. I love
`chocolate.

5. I don’t understand
`a lot of things i do.

6 . I have lost my respect for
`people who lost my respect.

7 . I last ate
`dinner, so i'm really hungry now.

8. The meaning of my display name is:
`hm. RACHAEL T. mean, hm. er. me. yeah. GEES!

IS YOUR/ARE YOU

1. Is your hair wet?
`nope.

2 . Is your handphone here now ?
`nope. i left it back home

3. Do you miss someone?
`..yeah.

4 . Are you wearing chapstick?
`nope

5. Are you tired?
`yes, and really sleepy.

6 . Are you wearing pajamas?
`well, im in clothes that i wore to sleep.

7. Are you mad?
`no?

8. Are you upset?
`no?

HAVE YOU

1. Recently done anything you regret?
`yes.

2. Ever lied?
`duh.

4. Have you ever kicked someone?
`yes. many many many times.

5. Ever tripped over your own feet?
`wow, no. not yet.

TODAY HAVE YOU:

1. Have you cursed?
`no. i just woke up. lol.

2. Have you gotten mad at someone?
`nope!

RANDOM Q:
Is there a person who is on
your mind right now?
`HAHA. (:

Q: Do you have any siblings?
`yessss.

Q: Do you want children?
`HAHA. not now.

Q: Do you smile often?
`yeah.

Q: Do you like your handwriting?
`Nope!

Q : Are your toenails painted?
`yes.

Q: Who’s bed other than yours would you
rather sleep in?
`no one else.

Q : what color shirt are you wearing
`black.

Q: What were you doing at 7pm
yesterday?
`CNY reunion dinner.

Q: I can’t wait to:
`go to college.

Q : When did you cry last?
`wednesday.

kiss me with your poisoned lips

i have been eating from 6-10 pm today.

and its only soup.

im still damn hungry

i have been like that the whole day.

and i am so damn stressed bcos of work.

i know right?

why am i working?

well, i havent finish my 'work' in the hols.

gees.

sucks so bad now.

to work and study.

and my grades are not good at all.

thats my opinion so yeah.

only two sevens.

gees.

four 5s. can you believe that?

so my day didnt exactly go that well.

my mom was really nice to me today.

but before that, i was really pissed cos no one told me we had reunion dinner today.

so they were like mad at me for coming home late.

i was sorry, but i really didnt know. gees.

i went to school today only bcos i didnt want to stay at home and do nothing but work.

i had lunch, went to get my stuff back and then go back to school to hang for awhile and go for band.

i have been working since right after dinner and guess what? it's not even making progress.

i thought it was but no.

im sorry if u dont what im saying.

thats only bcos u dont know what im working as and i wont tell u. haha.

so anyways, my mom came into my room and started bitching.

haha. so now u know where my bitchyness come from.

it was so damn funny to hear her talk like that.

im going to get my ipod soon.

i really need one. haha.

screw this shit.

i really need to get over with it.

settle me down into your web

I DIDNT GO SHOPPING YESTERDAY.
INSTEAD...
i painted the walls of my house,
do up the walls of my room. (now it looks good. (:)
and finish the whole season of heroes. which sucked.
season 2 i mean. it sucked real bad.

so anyways,
i had school today.
like always.
just that there were 4 free periods.
and i found someone like me.
just more open.
hahahaha.
i felt like a guy once again.

i feel like a girl only when i talked abt guys.
oh well.
i really need to get to know more people.
it's amazing how lil people i know,
considering im in such a small school.

i miss everyone else though.
haha. i miss gossiping abt people i know to people im close to.
and we really got to have a pastry gang outing soon.
i miss you guys like hell.
it's been almost a year since our last outing.

my cousin just came.
yay.

powerless

im going chinese new year shopping today.

im seriously broke so im just hope-ing my mom is going to pay for everything.

reason why im broke?

i spent the rest of my allowance on cabbing,

and my savings on tiff's presents,

so right now, it's just 11 bucks. lol.

and i owe lauren 4.

ah, the weekends.

i spent it catching upon heroes.

i felt likei spent the whole day watching heroes yesterday.

but its only 5 episodes.

gees. it's not that good.

but i just want to finish the whole series.

i dont really have homework this weekend,

other than physics and music,

but i'll finish it soon.

i really have to start practisingmy keyboard parts.

im so horrible now.

that's only bcos i havent touched the piano in ages.

oh well, but i still can play.

I NEED EYELINER!

i hope my mom would get me good eyeliner today.

my current eyeliner sucks.

im not going to stop until i finish watching heroes.

but it's going to take days.

there are like god-knows-how-many-episodes,

and each episode is one hour.

i want to finish up one tree hill and the OC

start on gossip girl and bionic woman.

what can i say?

lol. im such a tv addict.

/shrugs.

i need a holiday.

cousin is coming from the US tmr.

i cannot wait!

i miss them so much!

i wish tiff came.

then there would be someone i can hang with for chinese new year.

now everyone is in different parts of the world,

reunion happens once in every 34256 years.

tabloids

im over and done for the week.
math test was not so good today.
band wasnt that good either.
we have to practise more.
oh well.

went to NJ to see lauren perform today.
i shouldnt say horrible things on my blog.
so anyways, im having a headache now.
whatever you know.
i just want to sleep in tmr.
i am exhausted.

oh, my spelling's getting really horrible now,
forgive me if i spell anything wrongly. pffft.

theres so much news abt britney now,
it's getting really annoying.
gees.

i cannot wait for chinese new year.
i need the money.

i have to start working out.
im getting fatter.
oh. guess what?
i hardly ate today.
i had a pao, noodles and mars.
it lasted me the whole day.
i didnt get any lunch or dinner at all.
hahaha. this is one of those days i actually dont eat much.
and its satisfying to know.
speaking of working out,
ken was like i need to work out so i wont look fat for the play.
so i thought, hey, i cannot look fat on stage.
so i have to start working out.
like seriously start.
i havent done crunches in like a month.
it's feb already.
and i have to get hot abs,
so that ken (the non indonesian one) would want to date me.
and i can actually say no yet again.
haha.
im joking.
he just wants to see me get abs.
not anytime soon!
im too lazy and unmotivated.