i'm done

yes! im done with season 3 already.
don't worry rachael, you have season 4 and 5
it's not going to be over YET.
nathan and haley getting married the season time was the sweetest thing ever.
and now karen's pregnant,
and it ended with nathan and haley and cooper and rachel in a car accident.
screw rachel.
anyways, im sorry im spoiling it for those who havent watched the show.
too bad, you just read my spoiler. (:

i was talking to bel the other day,
and we talked abt getting married at 18.
HAHA.
did i mention it in the other post?
but well, i think i did, did i?
so anyway,
yeah, we talked abt getting married at 18.
she says she has this strange feeling that she's going to.
im going to be the bride's maid of honour, for sure.
haha. getting married at 18 is almost like pulling a naley.
it's so sweet and all.
i feel like a sucker for romance sometimes.
im such a girl and im a libra.
now u understand why.
so anyways, i thought abt that like getting married and 18,
and how impossible it is these days.
i mean can you ever find some guy your age who is so sensitive and HOT and who could sacrifice everything to marry you?
if you could, you are so awfully lucky.
it's so difficult even finding someone to like and most of all, have the same feelings reciprocated back.
i read once on the board at english abt some law, that says the feelings you have for someone is inversely proportionate to the feelings they have for you.
sadly, it's KINDA true.
and to find yourself in naley's shoes are so difficult.
sure they have their ups and downs but could anyone feel like that for each other the way naley does?
so yeah, i know its a show and everything but you know i have to talk abt it.
if what they do happens in real life, to anyone even,
i'll envy you like crazzzy.
and this ever happening to me has a 0.00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001% chance.
i promise your that.

people like me are hopeless romantics sometimes,
but sometimes, i hate it when i see couples together,
it irks me, especially when you're not together with anyone or something like that.
but hey, i dont think i need anyone at my age.
haha. it's good to be free now, and i mean it.
so anyways, i was hanging with sara after school today,
and then we were talking abt ex boyfs.
like that subject can every stop coming up in conversations,
anyways, i feel like somehow, i havent let everything go yet,
and it sucks cos its been more than a year now,
and i dont know if im alright with dating and stuff.
its like a lot of people i know have boyfs and i wonder how people can ever get into another one thought they were hurt before.
it sucks being hurt, and i dont want to go thru that again,
but somehow, i like it when i do, cos i get to write abt it,
but that's not the point,
the point is, i dont know how it feels like going thru something and being hurt again and again cos i know that feeling sucks especially when you give a lot and then it disappears.
so like i said before, there's no point having something serious until you know you wont be hurt again.
if i do though, i'll probably be an alcoholic or something. lol.

i guess my way of getting over something is writing,
so i dont think i'll ever be depressed.
writing is my therapy, just like shopping is for some girls.
i wish i could read more so i'll be better at expressing myself.
there's such a limited number of words i use and i hate it cos i cant find anything else in my brain that helps me write better.
so well, speaking of which, ken and i were talking abt careers on saturday and i said i wanted to be an accountant.
some career i chose at the start of this year,
only bcos u can make a lot of money and it's a really structured line.
but then he told me that i shouldnt force myself to do something i dont like bcos you would hate it anyways.
he's right really, i've always been writing and he said i should develop it cos what i have is a talent, just like his art is his.
so im thinking abt taking up journalism now.
so i'll be some magazine writer.
not just any magazine,
i want to write for time one day,
and i want to write a book and get it published.
i want my poems to be published.
i want to learn more so my songs will not be poems but have a tune to it
and have someone else sing it cos i cant sing for nuts. HAHA.
oddly enough,
i have a lot of dreams i have just realised.
but to accomplish them would take a really long time.
god knows if i have enough time and motivation to.
i have to do what i like or i wouldnt do anything.

for now, it's just studying.
after finishing work,
i would have more time to think abt what i really want.
till then,
im so tied down.
gees.

i was talking to some guy at music today,
i said i was shy and stuff.
and he was like you dont struck me as shy.
but somehow i really think i am.
i dont like making eye contact with people unless i know them well enough.
i dont know why i do that, but i do.
on stage, i think im extremely shy or something.
but i never felt like that in my previous school.
mayb it's bcos im in front if a new crowd and i dont know A LOT of people.
and i may feel inferior sometimes,
i dont know why,
i think its bcos of the sudden extreme change in environment.
lol. but the wierd thing is,
im not afraid to be myself this time,
cos i know im new and stuff,
and im making a lot of new friends and i can start afresh.
but whatever you know.
i dont really care if people hate me or whatever.
cos im happy with myself.