feed me, pet me

1.Have u ever actually sat down & thought about why u like the person u

like?

♠ yeah. then i'd always realise that i like them for no particular reason.

2.People say, "Honestly, I don't think I've ever talked sh*it about anyone".Do you think its possible for you?

♠ HAHA. me not talking shit about anyone is as good as saying the sky is going to be pink tmr.

3.Is there someone you'd really like to hang out with and just talk about stuff?

♠ yeah, and there are a few.

4.Is there something that has happened in your past that u really hate talking about?

♠ nope. not really.

5.Do u think a lot of people think bad things about u?

♠ sometimes. but i dont know what they think so i dont know.

6. Do u think u're approachable?

♠ haha. i dont think i am, im only really really friendly to people i know. if i dont know you, im sorry, i just dont talk to you cos i dont dare to, and even if you come up to me and talk, i may not be that friendly.

7.Do u regret doing anything dis week?

♠ yeah. but who cares.

8.Name something u wouldnt want to buy used.

♠ hm. chocolate. i need to loose weight.

9.When did u last cry?

♠ yesterday or something.

10.How late did u stay up last night?

♠ like 10, 11 pm?? haha. i was tired.

11.Has someone of the preferred sex ever told u they loved u, and meant it?

♠ i dont know. i dont know if he really really meant it but oh well, who cares now?

13.Suppose u see ur crush kissing another person - what will u do?

♠ cry/get really upset, write a poem about it while getting over that crush.

14.Would u ever become a vegetarian or even vegan?

♠ LIVE WITHOUT MEAT?? hah, me??

15.Do u like ur school?

♠ yes. :)

16.R u a flirt?

♠ nope. i dont think so. i wont flirt with any guy even if i like him. just too wierd.

17.Have u ever held hands?

♠ haha. yeah.

18.When was the last time that u went swimming, where, and what color was ur swim suit?

♠ BLACK! stupid rhetorical question.

19.How often do u talk on the phone?

♠ hardly now. i talk only when its important or im finding someone.

20.Did u ever lose a best friend?

♠ dont think so.

21.Have u ever gotten mad because somebody said they'd call u and they didn't?

♠ nope. i dont think so. i'd probably go 'walao. havent call yet. cb lah.' it would goon for about an hour or so and then i'd forget about it.

22.Have u ever met a real life prostitute?

♠ yes i think.

23.Have u ever kissed in the rain?

♠ nope. but i will one day.

24.Can u do push-ups?

♠ girl one counted?

25.What is the connection between you and the last person you texted?

♠ love of her life.

26.What is wrong with u right now?

♠ stressed up. im hungry, im tired and i have a project and 700 word essay due tmr.

27.Who do u hate?

♠ i dont really hate people. i just find them annoying or i just dislike them.

28.What do u want in ur life right now?

♠ let's see, more clothes, finish ib, go to college in the US, write my own book before im 21 or something...

it's a sin.

it's a sin to be up so early in the morning.
im tired and hungry and i just woke up.
awesome way to start a sunday morning.
and it's not even 9.
from next next week onwards or something like that, i have to go to school on sundays too.
haha. im going to die soon or something.
im so hungry now.
last night's dinner sucked.
im going to cook or something.
probably instant noodles,
cos i am too lazy to cook anything else.
im going to start a paper today. 700 words. ugh.
then my english presentation.
and then study for my econs test.
and then evaluate my physics experiment,
then it's music study.
study for physics test, i suck so bad at physics.
start chinese project,
math homework
work.

eveything i need to do today,
god help me.
i need it.

not you

wasssssup!

god im so tired. its 10 and i just came back and i have school tmr.

school was great today,

my teacher says she expects me to get 80% for econs.

im happy she said that. it just makes me want to work harder.

i had a nice dinner after that.

i hadnt had a good dinner since forever.

i feel better today.

im going to sleep soon.

im so tired.

bye. haha. blood.

rachael, you have got to move on

im going to say goodbye to my old life soon.
i need to move on.
i can't stay on with some people that i used to know, because it's pointless.
friends worth having are friends that would be there for you no matter what, like pastry gang.

i am really pissed now at everything.
when i say everything, its everything, like my sister. i'll yell at her for everything she says or asks.
fuck. im so pissed these days, i might as well pull my hair out and make a wig. school's like fine but the thing is im working again because of some shit problems and i hate it. i have no fucking time now, i have like cca tmr and drama on saturday, like the whole of saturday.
i am so pissed really, i dont know why but im going to go on and on about it.
i wish i could talk to some person but i dont think i can now, i dont think i can turn to him, not even now. it's either because i don't dare to or i feel guilty to.
you used to be the person i tell a whole load of stuff to and now, it's disappearing, you i mean.
i could tell you im still here but you wouldnt believe me now would you? i wish i could call you and explain everything and ask you what i should do. but i dont know if you would be there. but you know what, im going to try. if you arent going to be there for me, its fine. im going to fine someone who would. but the thing is, that person may not be as good as you.
im know all these dont make any sense because im tired and pissed.
but i know what it's going to get better. everything is. and because im sick of everything now, and im going to make it better. i know it.
screw you who says that people arent not good enough for you when you're not any better. im pissed at you because of what you said about someone i care about. you arent that person who should say something like that. go ahead and try to make me look guilty, cos i know i am for somethings, but you arent any better.

i want to move on so bad because i cannot stand the why we backstab each other. i think it's just childish and stupid. if you're not moving on, then stay, whatever, i don't control you. i guess what i thought we all could be would never happen, but it did exist, but it died.

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. please just die.

distances and bus stops

i wish i could say more about my day,

but my day was another boring school day.

i wrote a poem last night.

it was my assignment for english,

but i wont post it here.

it's too lousy.

i have to start reading soon.

im not writing well,

and my vocabulary is so limited,

it's annoying.

and im still frustrated.

but im not going to for long.

i need more music.

tommy thinks so too.

i want to fill up my ipod until i cant fill it up anymore.

i need to start revising.

they showed us the top people in the first term.

i want to be on that list at least once,

so i really need to start handing in stuff on time.

the year's going by so quickly.

i wish it would go slower.

i actually like school now,

although some classes are really difficult.

right, time for homework.

im going to pull out all my hair and use it to make a wig

i have only one thing to say tonight.

$%@^&*()!*&@*!^&#%!*(*!() _()()@_)!!!!!!@@#@~@!@_)!+)@I*(#!!!!!!!!!???????????!!!!!!!!

i am so frustrated now, you have no idea.
i would have done away with it if i knew it would turn out like this.
so fucking frustrated, gees.
i could smash things and throw everything in this room all around.
yes, i would kill.
now, i have nosense of what to do next.
i have school tmr.
i needto rant to someone.
or i will die.

i havent got any inspiration to write these few days.
things should happen.
like some emotion.
or i cant write.
i need to write.
i have to write.
i havent wrote a poem in more than a month.
but i did come up with the storyline for my book.

im getting fatter.
i need to diet.
like seriouslygo on diet.
if i can make myself that is.
im so tired.
i need to sleep.
i need to study.
i need to write a poem for english.
i need to workout.
i need to get back into shape.
i want abs. haha.

4 free periods tmr.
and i cant skip school tmr because i have math in the morning.

i am still frustrated.

bye.

Take whatever that comes

Sheesh, I can't upload pictures using this damn thing.
And it takes forever to type on iPods.
Anyways, I did nothing yesterday except to tutor my brother and go to church and shop, all this with my blistered feet.
You have no idea how hard it is to tutor him.
I promise you, you'd die.
The only reason I havent is because I survived him for the last 13 1/2 years of my life with him.
Right, and then my parents forced me to church even when I told them my feet are blistered.
then dinner with my parents as usual.
When there's shopping, my blistered feet were a whole load better.
shopping is the remedy for everything.
So im off to Malaysia for the morning to have 'fun' in a graveyard.
picking flowers for sara and reading tombstones.

blisters are hell

my feet are totally killing me.

there are blisters on both the sole of my foot.

thanks to my new heels.

did i mention they were new?!

haha. so because of that, i walked around clark quay barefooted.

then denise and sara walked barefooted with me. :)

oh, before i went out, my zit popped.

yes, how bad is that?

so when we were outside some place,

a guy was like 'eh, pimple'

HAHA. i was like 'hurr. so?'

i was thinking 'it's not like you never had one'.

it was a bad day alright?

i was telling sara that mayb its because god is punishing me for not going to church cos its good friday.

oh well.

good friday was not good at all.

so i should stop complaining,

instead, i should go to sleep and hope my feet and face heals,

or i'd go to school in slippers on monday.

ugh.

school's a bitch, so are you

what i did on the first day of the new term.
1. turn in my coursework which i thought was alright, until i found out that people did like 30+ pages. i did 10times less. how can you write so much math??
2. had like a free period doing nothing, but exploring facebook.
3. for music, we went to watch august rush.

august rush deserves 2 stars only.

so today, i did something that i havent done in agesss.
brent made me laugh until i cried.
brent is so damn hilarious.
i love brent, and i think im going to sit beside him for english tmr.
his so damn funny.
we changed english teachers.
why right?
god, english would be my most dreaded class for the term even though we are doing poetry.
anyways, i have been drawing.
i did up something awesome on lauren's hand today.
haha, chinese was nothing as always.
i could read chinese fluently today, not like always.

school could have been better today.
but i was so sleepy.
it's like the first time i got sleepy in tok.
i know right. first time?

i havent done much work bcos ken called me to help him with math,
and we ended up talking and doing math for 2 hours.
so i didnt do much yesterday and im so sleepy.
i think im going to sleep at 9 or something.
right after i finish my math and my article on plastic surgery.

streetlights and buildings

i have a few random things to say.

i had a major shopping trip today.

fine.

i wont consider it that major.

just spent quite a bit.

im happy for now.

screw skinnys.

cant they sell something that people like me can wearb and look good in?

im extremely horrible in directions.

i took a half hour to find denise's house yesterday.

i havent watched step up 2, yet.

i need to do cut outs for my file.

i have thrown away all my magazines.

my file is going to suck.

my wall is falling apart and im too lazy to fix it.

christabel brought us to a toyshop today.

it is more like a kid's place.

love it.

the stuff they sell is so cool.

i would actually buy stuff from there.

i want the ty lion i saw today.

i want, i want, i want. HINT, *ahhmsaracoughcoughiknowyou'rereadingthiscoughsomemore*

the lion is cute.

i like lions.

i like spiders.

but dont get me a fake spider.

i want real spiders.

i just want cute lil stuffed lions.

cos i cant have the real one.

my hair is wet.

i cant sleep with wet hair.

god, pls dont give me bad dreams tonight.

last night's dream was real freaky.

i need flats.

i need skirts that wont make my legs look fat.

i think im getting a lot fatter.

screw the holidays.

im eating a lot more at home than i am in school.

i want a new school bag,

cos im sick of this grey one.

i think i'll use my white one even though it's going to spoil anytime soon.

i need to save up more.

i have to take my grade 8 for piano by next year end.

i need a new phone.

i hate pimples.

and they're coming out again.

i have like 5 blisters on my feet because i walked all the way home from kap.

and then walked another half hour to denise's.

im starting to miss people again.

i miss bel as always.

i need to start on my articles.

screw my math portfolio.

i have no idea how to do the second part.

wish upon a star, that is if you can find one

i think pool parties are fun.
and being swung into the pool is fun.
but catching a cold before you start school is not fun.
my muscles ache like crazy.
i think it's the way i slept.
im going shopping anyways,
so it'll be fine.
i had a horrible dream last night.
i dreamt of murders.
that's what you get when u watch criminal minds before you sleep.
and i was being hunted down and killed, in my school.
then i dreamt of something else.
it was more horrible than murders.
i didnt die though.

the end

we party

this happened on monday.

so today, it's another episode of OTH.

and a partyyy!

i'll put up the pictures soon, if i have 'em.

basically, i just had fun for the past couple of hours.

i could acutally relax and go crazy after so long.

i am done with work and shopping is tmr.

this has been one of the most fun school holidays,

other than the being-stuck-at-home-for-3-days,

i had loads of fun.

im really tired now.

i really wanna watch step up 2 tmr.

anyways, people just realise that im into gore and stuff like that.

yes im a girl and im into gore but that does not make me emo, for one.

it takes a whole load more to be emo,

and i am not.

of this was oth,

i'd be labeled as loner or weirdo,

cos i dont like or do everything girls like or do.

for instance, i like gore and i used to play computer games and i was actually quite good at it.

i do the weirdest things and say the weirdest stuff most of the time.

only because im nervous or really tired or something.

right, im really tired now.

the weirdest trait

i stayed at home, again.
have been since monday night.
havent stepped out of the house until just now,
when i went to the car to get my mom's phone.

i have worked, done research and watch tons of stuff.
im done with OTH, for now. like season 5 episode 10.
watched a bit of south park.
and now, i'm at CSI NY and criminal minds.
i love crime shows.
they're like my all time favourite shows.
i love watching blood, violence, gore and pychopathic stuff.
that's the only few things im interested at these days.
though im going to be all paranoid and shit now,
im going to continue watching the shows.
and i think im going to start on dexter soon or something.
i love criminal minds.
i miss that show.
it's one of the most awesome shows ever.
it beats watching OTH and gossip girl.
but im still going to watch OTH because of james lafferty and gossip girl because of dan humprey. im not going to starton bionic woman and the OC. not for now.

i've been atv addict for the longest time.
i think i started with scooby doo.
haha. yes, that's my childhood cartoon.

study date at 5?

hello world, this is my new addiction.

fine, it wasnt really babysitting yesterday.

my mom got it all wrong.

it was more of scout duties than me babysitting.

shant explain. it's too long a story.

so what was yesterday? hm. i havent touched my homework just yet. but i will soon. after i finish work. and someone ask me out for a study date please! i am so addicted to this thing and i need someone to pull me off the screen.

so gossip girl it was, yesterday. today? it's oth. you've guessed it. i have 5 more episode to go. i have actually stopped watching it for 3 hours now. such an achievement.

my dad actually asked me to go to the office with him today. i think staying at home is a much better option. i hate the office. everything just suffocates you in there. next time, i dont want to work in an office. offices sucks the life out of you. it's so boring. the only few sounds you here are phones ringing, the keyboard, people talking, papers flipping and the photocopy machine. hate it.

i suppose to go out yesterday, then someone misread my msg, and so i i decided to get out of an awkward situation. haha. and now im waiting for the same person to ask me tonight. gees, if his not going to, i'll probably die or something. staying at home for 3 days straight is not exactly how i wanted to spend my holiday.

i really want to watch step up 2, and start on my math.

so i really need to talk about gossip girl.

i think blair is really really pretty and she's a hot bitch.

i mean seriously hot.

chace crowfard is making it to my list.

i like chuck as a character although his such a dick.

serena is just kinda boring.

i like the bitchy side of jenny.

and i want a dan humprey.

if i find a dan humprey/ seth cohen/ nathan scott in real life, i'll probably marry him. HAHA.

oh, btw, lucas is so much better with brooke than with peyton.

i dont like lucas with the editor girl. they're so boringggg.

james lucas scott is sooooooo cute.

i want a son like him.

and new singer girl in oth has a really good voice.

right. and i'll just bore you with it all.

damn. i really should start on math.

i shouldnt procastinate any further.

unnoticed.

let's start with the crappy morning.

i woke up becuase my mom was screaming at my sister to wake up because she had tuition.

when i sat up, my head felt like exploding.

so i went to bath. the only thing that went fine was the hot water in the shower. i love hot showers.

the fucking internet is damn slow and gets cut off whenever someone calls my house. it's damn annoying.

i wanted to go out to eat with my mom and my aunt, but then my mom wants to take the train becuase gas is getting more expensive. im too lazy to lift my butt off this chair, and i dont want to stand up for an hour and a half in the train, squashed.

i've been nagged at by my grandmother for being lazy. she's so pissed off that i am, and she thinks i spend most of my time in my room sleeping when clearly, i've been using the computer and i have spent my waking moments online, doing productive and crappy and unproductive things. but you can't blame her for not knowing, she may not even know what the internet is.

since im not going out, i'm going to be staying at home, eating, reading, sleeping, watching gossip girl, eating some more, sleeping a whole load more, chatting online and babysitting.

yes, babysitting. and it's not my sister i have to babysit. as a matter of fact, it's her friend i have to babysit. his my mom's friend's son. and his like 10 or something. i think im just going to feed him gummies and let him use the computer and watch tv. while i stay in my room, in my pajamas, watching gossip girl which is taking forever to load not that the internet connection is disrupted again, and working.

i feel fat today. it's the barbeque last night really. but it's good food man. i dont think i'll start working out anytime soon. my butt's going to stick to this chair for a couple more hours, and im only going to get up to go to the toilet and get food.

someone please please please ask me out. im starting to feel like a pig now. i need someone to ask me out to study and hang.

oh oh oh. step up 2 is coming out like this week or something. and i need to go shopping. and only one thing is missing. people.

you shouldnt talk to me now

rachael, thara, sara, thara, denise.

me and sara

rachael is on the keyboard.

right, these are the pictures taken at spring dance. there are more pictures, but i have to wait for people to put it up on facebook. haha.

im not typing right now. my brain is somewhat muddled up. the influence of ethanol. is that right? haha. this is why im not taking chemistry and im saying all these shit cos im tipsy.

i may seem alright, but you have no idea what's in my brain now. don't talk to me online. i'd probably say something wierd. like how i am now. typing a whole load of shit.

awesome way to start off the holidays huh?

i was at a chalet today, btw. i havent seen those guys in AGES. i'll send you the pics when they come online. we cam whored a bit. hahaha. the chalet was organised by my primary school friends by the way. havent seen all of 'em in the longest time. haha.

damian has gotten skinnier and more buff, and everyone changed quite a bit. haha. like everyone is growing shorter. lol.

right. i need to get to bed before i type anything weirder.

from nat

A. List seven habits/ quirks/ facts about yourself.
B. Tag seven people to do the same.
C. Do not tag the person who tagged you or say that you tag "whoever wants to do it".

1.I'm lactose intolerant and i'm allergic to coffee. so IF you're going to ask me out to something, it'll be tea not coffee.
2. I used to bite my nails. i bit them when i was bored.
3. I almost died when i was about a few weeks old, talk about my close encounter with death. and im too lazy to type out the whole story. ask me instead. (:
4. I like math and i'm good at math.
5. Sometimes, i wish i were a boy.
6. I always wanted to stab someone.. with a fork.
7. I think gore is awesome and i like to see people bleed, sometimes.

B)And the seven lucky ones are...
1. Belinda
2. Sara
3. Vanessa
4. Wanie
5. Althea
6. Eunice
7. Philson

oh! spriiing!

it's almost the end of the week.

it's a saturday, and it's 6.30 pm

i'm still in my pajamas.

all i did today was sleep, read, chat, watch tv, a bit of work, sleep more, eat a whole lot, and go back to the computer.

it feels good.

i havent done this in a long long while.

and i actually touched the tv control.

we had spring dance yesterday.

i need the photos.

i cant remember if i looked bad last night.

but it was awfully fun.

comparing this to prom,

i think this was more fun.

we just sat and took a hell load of pictures at prom.

but we didnt get to dance.

i kinda screwed up the beginning of one song while performing yesterday.

and im sorry.

but the whole other 3 songs were good anyway.

so i think i'll get back to sleep or something, again.

im so awfully tired and im hungry.

you have no idea

you have no damn idea how pissed i am.
just because i ask if i could go to africa,
my parents are like i think its a mistake to put you in international school.
i really want to swear, so so bad.
screw, it's AFRICA!
i've been waiting to go there since FOREVER.
$%^#$%^&%$^&*&^***!!!!!!!!
so so so so pissed.
you know what,
i shall just not go.
and go to japan for my music.
you know how it sucks that u have to settle for second.
the next best alternative.
even though its not the next best.
its only the other.
but well, there's still one more which is to not go at all.
oh well, japan will do fine on a second thought,
if i dont have to pay for it that is.
$!#$^&(**)(*)*&^!!
im not going to get over it anytime soon.
*(&*%$#%$^&****!!!~!!~``!

if you let me go, i'd fly away, so far that you can't find me. ever.

i could love you, but i don't dare to.

we had this college thing at school today.

and i found this school that is 45 mins away from manhattan by trian,

and in the senior year, you have an internship program where you write for a new york newspaper.

i was so excited when i found out, and then i told my parents, and they were like 'oh. why journalism?'

i was just writing about how saddening it is when people who you think would give you all their support, don't.

this has been my goal since idontknow, since i was 10?

i love my friends, they all were like 'rachael! thats good! i really think you should go.'

i love you guys.

so anyways, school was awfully boring for me bcos i had like 4 free periods today.

but i finished all my homework.

and handed in whatever is long overdue.

i saw my results.

i have a 7 for math, again. im so pleased with myself.

and then a couple of 6s and 5s.

i really hope i wouldnt break trend of getting everything more than 5.

im going to take my SATs next year, and IB.

i really want to study in the US though.

my dad wants me to go to the same college as him.

HAHA. like i would want to.

why i love you but i don't tell you

10 reasons why i think this weekend was fine despite everything.

1. no, it's not me getting a boyf despite the picture above that usually describes how i feel, i just thought i feel like that girl without a boy.
2. no, i didnt go out this weekend, with a guy, wearing matching tees.
IN FACT,
3. i skipped school on friday, and stayed home working.
4. finished season 4 of oth. (im a faithful tv addict.)
5. i went to visit bel after church.
6. i cancelled on sara, and i thought i had other damn plans and they all got cancelled, so i stayed at home watching oth the whole weekend, and season 4 was good. season 3 was better. shopping would have been the best though.
7. almost done with work
8. stayed at home growing fat, eating junk when there seem to be none lying around anymore. it's either bcos my mom isnt buying much or i ate everything.
9. it's the last weekend before the one week hols start.
10. i havent done any homework and most of 'em are due tmr.

found this today.
LIBRA-GOOD IN BED(9/23-10/22)
Caring and kind. Smart. Center of attention. High appeal. Has the last word. Good to find, hard to keep. Fun to be around. Extremely weird but in a good way. Good Sense of Humor. Thoughtful. Always gets what he or she wants. Loves to joke. Very popular.Silly, fun and sweet.

weirdly, half of it is kinda true. HAHA.

if somethings could be like the movies, we'd be much happier people