rachael, you have got to move on

im going to say goodbye to my old life soon.
i need to move on.
i can't stay on with some people that i used to know, because it's pointless.
friends worth having are friends that would be there for you no matter what, like pastry gang.

i am really pissed now at everything.
when i say everything, its everything, like my sister. i'll yell at her for everything she says or asks.
fuck. im so pissed these days, i might as well pull my hair out and make a wig. school's like fine but the thing is im working again because of some shit problems and i hate it. i have no fucking time now, i have like cca tmr and drama on saturday, like the whole of saturday.
i am so pissed really, i dont know why but im going to go on and on about it.
i wish i could talk to some person but i dont think i can now, i dont think i can turn to him, not even now. it's either because i don't dare to or i feel guilty to.
you used to be the person i tell a whole load of stuff to and now, it's disappearing, you i mean.
i could tell you im still here but you wouldnt believe me now would you? i wish i could call you and explain everything and ask you what i should do. but i dont know if you would be there. but you know what, im going to try. if you arent going to be there for me, its fine. im going to fine someone who would. but the thing is, that person may not be as good as you.
im know all these dont make any sense because im tired and pissed.
but i know what it's going to get better. everything is. and because im sick of everything now, and im going to make it better. i know it.
screw you who says that people arent not good enough for you when you're not any better. im pissed at you because of what you said about someone i care about. you arent that person who should say something like that. go ahead and try to make me look guilty, cos i know i am for somethings, but you arent any better.

i want to move on so bad because i cannot stand the why we backstab each other. i think it's just childish and stupid. if you're not moving on, then stay, whatever, i don't control you. i guess what i thought we all could be would never happen, but it did exist, but it died.

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. please just die.