Lost

taking my cousin out for chinese new year '10.

I've never felt so much insecurity for such a long time.

I feel like such a loser for some reason.

but then again, the only reasons why I feel like that is because I am so fucking lonely, it's crazy.

I know I have friends and all that,

but like, I miss having someone to care about and someone who cares about me.

not that I don't care about my friends,

but you know that feeling u get.

don't get me wrong,

but there's no one at the moment who is that person for me.

waiting just fucking sucks.

I wish we could like get someone just like that,

but then again,

I'm not the prettiest girl,

or the hottest,

or the smartest girl around.

Instead, even though no matter what I say,

I still feel like that fat kid.

not pretty enough,

doesn't dress right,

doesn't speak right.

man. I really wonder who ever feels confident about themselves.

It's so hard these days.

but then again,

I don't know how I could feel like I'm good enough the way I am just a few weeks ago.

I guess when random people make comments about you,

it just changes it.

I'm not that typical girl, that's for sure.

but then again,

what's typical?

If anything,

I would be that girl who lives in the bubble after she watches tons of movies.

wishing she was in there.

What a loser.

I shall create my own movies.

One where the world isn't perfect,

everyone's path crosses but they do not meet for long,

where there is actually sadness and disappointment.

loads of that shit,

so people would actually realise that nobody's perfect.

perfect life?

please.

everyone is far from it.

He's a drunk,

She's a whore,

They are lonely and miserable,

We are lonely and miserable.

Finding someone who would make your life easier would just feel so safe again.

I miss that feeling so so much.

But then again,

I'm moving.

I would never stay in one place for too long.

I hope this feeling's temporary or you wouldn't see my smile again.