watch me go

Because my friend left.

This is the first time I watched my friend go.

I won't see her for 2 years.

Next, another goes.

Then I will be next.

You know how you have so many emotions at the same time.

I just want to burst out crying for that second, and then I want to laugh because I see something really funny.

I didn't cry today.

But my 1 hour train ride home was an emotional rollercoaster because I thought of so many things, like what would it be like when I leave.

I realised that when I was younger, every time my parents tell me that we're moving to canada, I'd be so freaking upset because I know I had a life here. My friends were all here.

But since a year ago, I feel that there is nothing left in this country for me, and I should move to some place where no one knows me, and start over.

But then, that was one year ago.

This time, it is different yet the same.

I want to leave so bad as much as I want to go.

But I realised that I just made friends, and I just realised how my old friends are the most awesomest people on earth, and how they're all going to stay here and I'm going away. I mean, they are people who give me all the advice I need, talk to me when I'm down, hang out with me when I'm lonely and we have awesome conversations together.

I know there's always the thing about making new friends and that shit, but hey, nothing beats people that you've known for almost 4 years, or almost your entire life.

I was wondering about how bad I'll cry when I leave, who would be there at the airport sending me off, how the whole situation would be like.

I know I'd hug all my friends and say goodbye,

and then my family which although can be so annoying, the best family I could ever ask for. I have the most awesome siblings ever.

The person I would miss the most is my sister though I'm like wayyyy older than her, but still. She knows almost everything about me, and she makes me laugh till I cry.

I really hope I get accepted to canada though.

I always wanted to go overseas for university cos my dad did that and that's why I want to too.

When I grow up a bit more, I might stay there, who knows right, but I'd definitely miss this place so much. I'm still thinking really hard about permanently moving and stuff.

Man, the whole train ride had a whole load more thoughts than this.

There's so much to think about because everyone around me is leaving, going some place, and I don't want to be stuck here either.

Freaking life changing shit.