Grief

It's not good to be morbid when someone passes.

I am odd because I feel the opposite.

It's like an irony.

Maybe because everything is very much surreal now.

Sometimes, you don't know if you should smile, or cry, or text 'haha' back in a text msg because you're suppose to be sad or something like that.

It's not like I don't feel sad or anything.

Like, I do feel sad, but it's just a little more than other emotions.

Maybe I'm not weird for feeling like this because my dad is still singing.

Maybe he's not that affected.

I don't know. This whole situation just feels very weird to me.

I haven't gone through anything like this in like... since I was 7? That's like a whole zodiac cycle.

Well, I have to prepare to go to the wake soon.

I hate to watch people cry and I hate crying in front of people. It's just very .. erm. I just don't like pulling people into things.

I'd rather cry by myself.

Last night, I was at the hospital and I started thinking of like religion and stuff like that and how I would like my death to be like.

shut up. I like thinking of possible situations.

so anyways,

I thought it was nice that everyone was there for her at the last few moments of her life.

Where you could already count down by the hundreds, how many more breaths she'll take.

I find all of this so odd though.

Too odd.

Like I have to wear white and all and mourn for the next few days.

How can you do something without feeling it?

Like I want to feel something at least.

Too odd.