Hello society

Got my parents real pissed off today,

I think it's cos I'm taking out on them cos I'm so frustrated at myself.

You know this transition time,

where you have absolutely, almost no idea what you want to do with your life,

it's like too short to start something big,

and very undecisive,

I mean, I don't even know which university wants me yet.

I'm so frustrated because I have no direction and I'm really tired.

The week's activities were killer,

like my piano exam,

which I'm damn scared I'm going to fail.

I don't want to practice ever again,

but ugh, whatever, if I don't pass.

And then acting,

which was tiring as hell,

but I loved almost every second of it.

It was so fulfilling and everything,

like, I know that's something I want to do and I'm happy doing.

I love performing for some reason.

Like I miss having a band and I miss being on stage where people are like watching you.

I miss that feeling, like when people are dancing to your music.

I think that's one of the most awesome feelings I've ever experienced.

I just want to rock out again,

like on stage.

Being a fan is also awesome.

PLACEBO WAS AMAZING.

Lead singer, Brian Molko.

Awesome.

Drummer with tattoos,

fucking awesome.

Loved every second of rocking out and being pissed at crazy ass bitch fans that jumps their ass off and keeps pushing me.

I'll push you back you motherfucking bitch.

So I've been thinking,

how I have to make more friends in this island since most of my other friends are leaving for everywhere.

Like, school is starting.

And I really want to start schooling again.

I know, it's like WTF right?

but really,

I miss being around people all the time.

People who piss me off, but at the same time, going through what I'm going through.

And like, people I can talk to randomly.

I would appreciate the freedom right about now.

I bet I'll go crazy at home soon.

Videos aren't working too good.

I'm going to start doing something different.

Like comedy and shit like that.

If I can do it.

They say I'm boring talking about shit.

I should just talk about like, nonsense that I want to say to people everyday on camera.

I miss talking shit to people everyday.

Like making up nonsense just to piss people off.

I'm going to lose the 'omfg rachael, what the fuck are you doing'

soon.

If I don't meet people, and like talk.

I need loads of conversations now.

I think I've had enough talking to army people,

I'm kinda bored talking about boys being all tough.

Makes me feel all unfit and fat and stuff.

Whatever dude.

I'm going to like, work out...

Wait.

That's not going to happen.

hahaahahhaahhahahahahahaha.

I think fat/chubby people are awesome.

We are funnier and more open to people.

I really like fat/chubby people with self esteem.

But I hate cocky people.

Like, just people who loves themselves for who they are.

Freaking hell.

I need those people to motivate me to be like them.

I can't stand being all 'omfg, i'm so fucking fat' everyday.

Man,

I think I need more self confidence.

I hate it when people bring me down,

and I have to keep pulling myself up.

Like, quit bugging me already.

Time, time.

What am I going to do with you?

I need someone to lean on for now.

It's so tough when you lose that.