somebody save me, i don't know myself.

 I said that was the last post, but I don't think there'll ever be a time where I'd completely forget you, unless I have Alzheimer's or something. I don't think I'd ever want to, or think I'll ever need to. After all that's happened, I haven't forgotten, everything is still so clear. Also, someone who'd push me to doing work and actually smarter and stronger mentally to make me go to distances that I can't go by myself. Yes, that's what you were to me. I think what I'm trying to say is that I miss what we were, I miss the times when everything was so simple and the workload isn't so heavy. I miss being care-free, and having more friends than I have now, but it's not that my friends now are bad or anything. I really like them, don't get me wrong. They're simpler and fun. Like I was telling sharon today, the group is made up of people looking for good clean fun. I think that's what i need now, so I won't get too smashed or anything, anytime soon and neglect school work and what not. But I guess I learnt too much from school in these 2 months, how people are like, what back-stabbing really is, what stress is, and waking up feeling like a zombie. Also, you know I like heartbreaks and all but I think stress plus the nostalgic memories of everything the I miss is killing me, very slowly, but very surely, after this course, I'm going to be set for life. Hah. I know I suppose to be studying for tests and doing thousand word essays right now, but i think this place is my stress reliever. I can't wait for my life to be simpler than anything I'm going through now. It's too much things in one's head that drives them crazy. There's too much capacity in the brain but too much of different information processing at the same time just confuses you and blocks out the more important things like facts you study. 

Right now, I don't know what I'm talking about anymore. I should stop. I'm really tired. A test tmr and an essay due. It'll get better soon, hopefully.

If this goes on any longer, I think I'm going to start stabbing myself with piercings or something.